Saturday, March 28, 2009

Outdoor Privy

Last week, I went camping in Oklahoma at a rustic campground near a beautiful river. It is definitely primitive camping - no electricity, no water, and no sewer hook-ups. The only toilet facility is this open air structure.

When the "urge" hits, you trudge up the hill, stand at the entrance and politely holler "anyone in?" If there is no reply, that means you have the room all to yourself (along with the spiders, wasps, birds, etc.) As you round the corner, you spy the toilet sitting there in all its rustic glory. A simple throne upon to sit. Below the seat, is an open pit. Usually, there is toilet paper hanging from the bar on the wall. But sometimes there isn't a scrap of paper in sight. So its always a good idea to carry a kleenex or two in your pocket.

After shooing away any resident critters, you perch your "hinney" upon the seat. A cool breeze from below greets your exposed skin. While taking care of business, you can either count spiders on the wall, look for beetles on the concrete floor, or gaze up at the sky and truly appreciate the fact that it is not raining. You also very adamantly hope there is no upward splash from below. When the duty is done, you stand, pull up the drawers, and give the loo one last glance before lowering the lid. You leave the structure feeling like you have missed something. But what? Yeah - that's it, the sound of a flush!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Really Cool New Toy

I just got an iPhone. It is soooooo cool!!!!! I went into the AT&T store intending to just look (yeah - right!). I really was thinking about a Blackberry. But after comparing prices and capabilities, the iPhone just didn't cost much more than the others - it was even less than the Motorola! So I just bought it! Yes, I'm an impulsive buyer (gee - someone has to try to keep the economy going!) Now I'm off to play with my new toy. Don't you just love "big kid" toys!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Happily Married - Oh Just Gag Me!!!

I recently joined Facebook. Yeah - I know. I'm really, really behind the times! While looking at people's profiles, I've been (nauseous) amazed at how many folks say they are "happily married." One even said - "See in this photo the light of my life." Oh please! Let me Barf now!!!

Happily married! Those two words shouldn't even be allowed to appear together! I have a friend that has decided that "happily married people are seriously hiding something or just brain damaged."

I overhead a lady at the beauty shop recently describe these despicable couples as "being adept liars or just really high." If that's the case, then would someone please pass me the weed!!!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Harry Potter quote

I caught this line from the 2nd Harry Potter movie. Dumbledore tells Harry towards the end of the movie (after Harry and his friends save the day...again) "It's not our abilities that show what we truly are. It's our choices."

Geez - that's kind of depressing isn't it! I'd like to be thought of as regal, organized, and highly intellegent .... but so often my choices suck!!! So there goes that plan!

So here's my list:
Please Don't Judge Me for these "sucky" choices
1. Reading and actually enjoying the Twilight books
2. Only vaccuming the floor when the white carpet becomes brown
3. Letting "her highness" train the dumb dog
4. Getting the dumb dog
5. Putting money into a college fund for "her highness". With the current situation, doesn't look like there will be anything left when she goes to college!!!!!
6. And listening to the camp counselor who said "There's no poison ivy growing around here."

Sunday, March 8, 2009


I am currently tatoo free. But I've always wondered what it would be like to have one. No - I haven't contemplated undergoing the process with any seriousness .... but what if? What kind of tatoo would I choose to grace my skin --- and where would it reside? kid's name ........................ Chinese symbol........................ No, none of those catch my fancy. But I do have an image in my mind. An image of a big red heart. Right on my buttocks. And smack dab in the middle of it would be bold letters spelling out "Bite Me". Now to decide - left cheek or right cheek?

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Coughing and Sputtering

Great - just great! I thought I had been lucky this cold/flu season. Everyone else has come down with the crud but I had avoided it. But now its my turn. Coughing, drainage down the back of the throat, raspy voice - getting sick is such fun! So here I sit, racking my brain for a glimpse of something positive to be made from this predicament.

Good Things to Come from having a Cold
1. No one will bother your drinks.
2. You can lie on the couch and not do anything (without feeling any remorse or guilt).
3. You finally have a "sexy" voice - just ignore the squeaks and gasps for air.
4. You have permission to growl at others.
5. Bad hair day ----- who cares?
6. Taking a sick day from work (and having the whole house and the TV remote all to yourself!!!!!)

Monday, March 2, 2009

Blonde - Naturally

Someone asked me the other day if my blonde hair was dyed. After contemplating my options for a reply, I reluctantly fessed up .... "It's natural - naturally right out of a bottle!"

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Dumb Dog and Cow patties

We have a dog. I wish I could say it is an intelligent dog but that is simply not the case. This has to be the "dumbest" dog on the face of the earth! The dog belongs to daughter (her highness) - she bought the dog with her own money. So of course, she thinks she knows best how to "train" the dog. Needless to say, a 12 year-old is not the most knowledgeable in the avenue of dog training. But then, maybe there just wasn't much to work with in the first place!

We live just outside of the city limits - still a rural area. Most people in our neighborhood continue to let their dogs run loose (even though the county does have a lease law). It's just a country thang. We try to be more lawabiding - the husband build a nice pen for the dog. It's long and has lots of running room. We can play fetch in that pen. Most of the time, dumb dog stays in the pen without any problems. But sometimes, she makes a break for it (usually when you are opening the gate with your hands full). Such is the case today. The dog is on the lam. And when she takes off - she takes off. Bullets don't fly as fast as that dog does as she zooms around the corner of the house. I just caught a glimpse of her - running at full speed - and she is definitely not the same color as she was last night. That white dog is now brown. Mud? Pond water? No, couldn't be that simple. The dog is covered in cow manure. Yes, she has been rolling in cow patties. All I can say is thank goodness it's an outside dog.